Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
