I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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