i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
