i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
