I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
