you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
