I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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