I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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