you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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