oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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