Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
