at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
