I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
