so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
