I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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