There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
