I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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