My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
