sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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