I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize