An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
