Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
