...so i touched it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
