Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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