YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
