hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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