u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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