i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
