Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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