and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
