at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
