so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
