I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
