Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
