She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
