:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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