did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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