Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
