why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
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