Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
