Umm I'm too high to move.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Come on in and take your pants off
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