Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
