is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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