Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Text me some of your sweat
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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