my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
