It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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