3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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