his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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