Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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