no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
